i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
