totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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