i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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