Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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