It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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