I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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