I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
