i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
