I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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