My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
