You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
