I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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