Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
