i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
