a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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