Girls should come with a carfax report
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
