I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
