...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
