glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
