At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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