Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
