Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
