If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dick very happy bro
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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