Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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