Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.