You're so nebulous sometimes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
