This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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