and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
