my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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