her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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