i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
