You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My cat gives me a boner
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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