booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
