She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think my moral compass just broke
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