It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
