Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
