Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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