Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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