I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's blow job season.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
