It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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