dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
