she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she told me i tasted like america
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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