Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
