Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
