woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
