i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
