took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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