I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
