He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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