At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
