seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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