yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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