12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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