Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
