I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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