so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
