You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
