Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
