I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
