Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
