i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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