normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
