And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
