and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everclear isn't food dammit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
