I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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