I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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